I only write when I am angry.

Deception

All my greatest fears are fabricating into reality.

I want to scream. but instead I am muted by disbelief.






I will remain optimistic.

I know now, that in times of REAL despair, not even your tears are there....

“Look at you. You’re young. And you’re scared. Why are you so scared? Stop being paralyzed. Stop swallowing your words. Stop caring what other people think. Wear what you want. Say what you want. Listen to the musicyou want to listen to. Play it loud as fuck and dance to it. Go out for a drive at midnight and forget that you have school the next day. Stop waiting for Friday. Live now. Do it now. Take risks. Tell secrets. This life is yours. When are you going to realize that you can do whatever you want?”

brace

I need to learn how to stop smiling.

"make time to smile" the stickers on my bathroom mirror say.
How about I make time to understand my feelings.

"smile for the camera"
It's fake. Why should I smile to capture happiness in a sad heart

"smile and the whole world smiles with you"
and cry alone, because the world just doesnt want to deal with your shit when you're down.

Honestly, I dont know how to stay mad.
I dont know how to do anything but smile, and be sarcastic.
smile smile smile and everything will come together.
smile smile smile and keep it all together.

My cheeks hurt.
I am thru.

And I keep telling myself it will get better if I smile through the emptiness...

But its hard when everything is cold but your heart.

I always think I have it all figured out... and then you come around.

feels like im fighting a war I just can't win.